Every moment in life can be viewed through myriad angles. Even if fiction hits the page in one form, you can always turn it on its head in a second or third pass. We join our intrepid hero, Headcount Jones as they stand at the precipice of fateful decision…
Work is all fun and games until it kills you.
>PUSH DIRECTOR
The evil office director totters for a moment at the edge of the gaping elevator shaft, lowering his newspaper just in time to still not save himself. Gravity embraces his body with a fatal clutch and pulls him to an untimely death at the bottom of the metal cavern.
As his final scream echoes into oblivion you look up into the security camera lens. There will be no escaping your fate this time. You flash a winning smile and realize this is…
*** THE END ***
You scored 4 of a possible 42 points, earning you the rank of paper clerk.
WHAT NOW? >RESTART
Your Word, Your Bond?
You Are Carrying:
Copyright (c) 2014 Cordell Falk. All rights reserved.
Revision 4 / Serial Number . . . _ _ _ . . .
“It’s not a Monday unless you’re late,” you muse as you pass under the worn Welcome to Bigcorp banner at the entrance to your work. You cross the lobby and slap the cracked, orange button on the wall. A series of metallic groans mark the approach of the ancient and hazardous elevator car. The doors clatter open like the maw of an ancient dragon. You step inside and punch the ‘2’ button.
Elevator Car
You are in an elevator car. You see an official looking list taped to the wall.
There is a sticky note here.
There is a newspaper on the floor.
>GET NEWSPAPER
Taken.
>LOOK AT STICKY NOTE
There is writing there. It looks like your employee Heather’s handwriting.
>READ STICKY NOTE
Someone has scrawled your declaration verbatim from last month that you would either kill the evil director or quit in protest the next time he screws up the numbers for your group.
>READ LIST
The text announces that your work group has come in last in the district with 0 widgets produced. The evil office director has obviously forgotten to carry the decimal in his latest update, once again. Someone has scribbled in angry red crayon across the bottom.
>LOOK AT CRAYON
YOUR WORD IS YOUR BOND, is scrawled across the top of the list in your employee David’s handwriting.
The elevator finally ascends and lets you out.
The Second Floor
A circular room branches into two wings, east and west, where awesome productivity may sometimes occur. The elevator doors are to the north, partially obscured by support columns. There is a staircase to the south.
The evil office director is standing here.
>LOOK AT DIRECTOR
He projects the snappy, carefree fashion sense of a man who gets his monthly bonus regardless of performance.
>EAST
East Hallway
You are in the east wing hallway of your office. A set of key-coded double doors is to your left.
A plumber is here, working.
There is an open utility panel on the wall.
>OPEN DOORS
You do not have access. You belong in the west wing.
>HELLO, PLUMBER
“Hi there, be done soon. Have you seen my tube of caulking?”
>LOOK INSIDE PANEL
A number of pipes criss-cross en route to various parts of the building. A massive yellow handle is pulled out at a 90-degree angle from the main.
>ASK PLUMBER ABOUT PANEL
Plumber: “Sorry, sir. Had to shut off water to floor 2 or we’ll flood the main shaft.
>WEST
The Second Floor
The evil office director is standing here.
“Hello, Headcount!” the evil director offers with a wave.
>WEST
You hear the elevator car creaking back down as you leave the area.
West Hallway
You are in the west wing hallway of your office. A set of key-coded double doors is to your right.
There is a heavy cart full of computers here.
There is a tube of invincible latex caulk here.
>OPEN DOORS
The doors are firmly sealed shut.
>EXAMINE DOORS
The creases around the doors are sealed as if by invincible latex caulking. Through the window pane in the door, your work group is visible. David stands in front of the staff, arms crossed and head shaking. Heather draws her finger across her throat in reminder.
>GET TUBE
Taken. There is plenty of latex remaining.
>PUSH CART TO THE EAST
Ok.
The Second Floor
The evil office director is standing here.
There is a heavy cart full of computers here.
>GIVE NEWSPAPER TO DIRECTOR
“Thanks Headcount,” he says. He butterflies the pages open, obscuring his field of vision.
>WAIT
director: “Whoever that is, can you hit the call button?”
>SAVE GAME
Saved.
>PUSH BUTTON
You hear a horrible crunching sound from behind the closed elevator doors.
>WAIT
The elevator doors grind open, revealing the rusted interior of an empty elevator shaft. The car is nowhere in sight.
“Ah, there we are!” the evil director says over the top of the paper. He steps up to the edge of the shaft, pausing to finish the story he is reading.
>PUSH CART AT DIRECTOR.
The evil director squeals in terror. He tumbles in a full circle, the newspaper pages flapping like broken bird’s wings, and he strikes the ground with a terrible thud. Free from witnesses, you have fulfilled your vow. You are given less than an hour to revel in your success before the director’s fate is revealed and your group is downsized due to poor performance.
*** THE END ***
You scored 18 of a possible 42 points, earning you the rank of assistant coffee peon.
WHAT NOW? >RESTORE
Okay.
The Second Floor
The evil office director is standing here, engrossed in a newspaper.
There is a heavy cart full of computers here.
director: “Hey you, did you hit the call button yet?”
>INV
You are carrying:
a tube of invincible latex caulk
>GO DOWNSTAIRS
Okay.
Front Lobby
You are in the lobby of Bigcorp. There are locked gates blocking hallways to the east and west. The elevator doors are to the north, obscured by a statue of bureaucracy. There is a staircase to the south.
>CAULK ELEVATOR
You apply a generous layer of caulk around and between the doors. You could likely float the Titanic inside of that thing.
>GO UPSTAIRS
Okay.
The Second Floor
The evil office director is standing here, engrossed in a newspaper.
There is a heavy cart full of computers here.
>EAST
East Hallway
You are in the east wing hallway of your office. A set of key-coded double doors is to your left.
A plumber is here, working.
There is an open utility panel on the wall.
>LOOK INSIDE PANEL
A number of pipes criss-cross en route to various parts of the building. A massive yellow handle is pulled out at a 90-degree angel from the main.
>TURN YELLOW VALVE
The plumber frantically waves your hand away.
>GIVE TUBE TO PLUMBER
The plumber accepts your gift and walks away to inspect the remaining latex.
>TURN YELLOW VALVE
A hissing and bubbling sound emanates from the core of the building.
>WEST
The Second Floor
The evil office director is standing here, engrossed in a newspaper.
There is a heavy cart full of computers here.
director: “Hey you, did you hit the call button yet?”
>PUSH BUTTON
You hear a horrible crunching sound from behind the closed elevator doors.
>WAIT
The elevator doors grind open, revealing the rusted interior of a water filled elevator shaft. The car is nowhere in sight. The surface of the water is a foot below the level of the second floor.
“Ah, there we are!” the evil director says over the top of the paper. He steps up to the edge of the shaft, pausing to finish the story he is reading.
>PUSH CART AT DIRECTOR.
The evil director squeals in terror. He tumbles in a half circle, his vision blinded by flying pages, and he splashes down into the water.
>WAIT
“Help! Help! A bonus for saving me!” screams the evil director, flailing.
>WAIT
“Help! Help! A promotion for saving me!” cries the evil director, splashing.
>WAIT
“Help! Help! My company car for saving me!” gargles the evil director, weakening.
>SAVE DIRECTOR
You reach into the elevator shaft and pull the now humbled director to safety. He lies sputtering and gasping, soaking the carpet. He throws his arms around you in gratitude and you smile with crafty vengeance into his tilted hairpiece. You can’t wait to come back to work tomorrow.
*** YOU HAVE WON!!! ***
You scored 38 of a possible 42 points, earning you the rank of vice-president.(Next time get a corner office out of him)
WHAT NOW? >QUIT
Thanks for playing!
The author of this blog disavows any responsibility for haphazard workplace hooliganism that may follow consumption of this post.
You are carrying: 