#BOOKWINS – New Hat for Old Tricks

bookvbeerfree

Trying something new on the marketing front today.  While watching my Amazon sales counter tick up this weekend (i.e. watching paint peel) I wandered over to Facebookland and Twitterville to see what all the people were buying instead. After a few minutes of seeing exuberant commerce and shameless product-inclusive selfies I knew what had to be done.

Take the fight to them, tongue firmly in cheek.

bookvbaconfree

I’m trying a few out this release week for my new novel.  The first ebook in that series will be free through Friday – so I started with that one. Grab it below!

Valley of the Damned – Kindle: FREE – click here!

VotD 2: Fool’s Gold:$2.99 Kindle $9.99 Paperback

As usual – thanks to the folks and artists at Photopin:

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/37657778@N07/4922320119″>Pints of Beer</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/84853566@N00/3111391644″></a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

The March (and April) of Real Estate (Part Deux)

All of this is still applicable – excepting the part where House #7 dissolves into a pit of lava… Our backup offer worked! (6 months later). After these months of intense moving/building activity I can get back to visiting this lovely oasis of snark. But first a recap… : )

It's not a shithole, it's an OPPORTUNITY!
It’s not a shithole, it’s an OPPORTUNITY!

You are carrying:

It's not a shithole, it's an OPPORTUNITY! It’s not a shithole, it’s an OPPORTUNITY!
photo credit: edenza via photopincc

In Front of Dream House #7
You are standing before a nice, two story house with the prefect number of rooms, the ideal amount of non-grass yard, a lovely pool and deck area, and a perfectly sized guest structure off to one side.
A real estate agent is standing nearby.

>AGENT, WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?
Agent: “Hopefully yours! It’s been 2 long months of house hunting and deal making, so just sign those papers and your dreams will come true!”

>AGENT, WHAT CONTRACT?
The agent gives you a funny look.

>INV
You are carrying:
a purchase contract
a pen
a deep bitterness
a flask (containing booze)

>GIVE BITTERNESS TO AGENT
The agent takes the bitterness from your hands and gives it a thorough inspection. “I’ve seen worse,” she says, handing it back.

>WHAT IS DREAM HOUSE #7?

View original post 466 more words

The March (and April) of Real Estate

It's not a shithole, it's an OPPORTUNITY!

It’s not a shithole, it’s an OPPORTUNITY!


photo credit: edenza via photopin cc

In Front of Dream House #7
You are standing before a nice, two story house with the prefect number of rooms, the ideal amount of non-grass yard, a lovely pool and deck area, and a perfectly sized guest structure off to one side.
A real estate agent is standing nearby.

>AGENT, WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?
Agent: “Hopefully yours! It’s been 2 long months of house hunting and deal making, so just sign those papers and your dreams will come true!”

>AGENT, WHAT CONTRACT?
The agent gives you a funny look.

>INV
You are carrying:
a purchase contract
a pen
a deep bitterness
a flask (containing booze)

>GIVE BITTERNESS TO AGENT
The agent takes the bitterness from your hands and gives it a thorough inspection. “I’ve seen worse,” she says, handing it back.

>WHAT IS DREAM HOUSE #7?
Dream House #7 is the latest is a string of comical attempts to play the real estate game and shed the undersized chrysalis of a dwelling that you currently call home. Sure, it’s no Dream House #4, but…

>SIGN CONTRACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #7
Agent: “I really think that dream house #4 was more your style!”

>SIGN CONTRACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #4
As you scribble down some information, the agent’s phone rings. She cups her hand over the receiver and sadly states, “I’m sorry, but the county says the septic system is illegal. You still want this one? House #3 was very nice!”
(Your bitterness increases by 5 points.)

>SIGN CONTRACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #3
The agent checks her smartphone.
Agent: “I’m sorry, but that was the owner. He says he had to bulldoze the patio and fill in the pool at House #3. And he is raising the price by $50,000. You know, House #1 was a winner from the beginning…”

>SIGN CONTRACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #1
A sparrow flits over and twitters something in the agent’s ear.
Agent: “Oh, mercy! They just found a sinkhole in the garage of House #1! We can ask for a discount or perhaps House #5?”
(Your bitterness increases by 5 points. Your bitterness has leveled up.)

>WHAT IS DREAM HOUSE #5?
Dream House #5 was similar to House #1, 2, 4, and 7, excepting a ridiculous new mark up on the price.

>DRINK FLASK
You drain the last mouthful.
Agent: “I know it’s been a long week! Sorry!”

>AGENT, IT’S BEEN TWO MONTHS
Agent: “Potato, Potahto.”

>THROW FLASK AT AGENT
You miss.

>SIGN CONTRACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #2
The agent stops your hand from writing.
Agent: “Oopsie! Once again, a little glitch on the inspections there… Do you REALLY think that toxic mold means… toxic? It IS covered up, after all!”

>AGENT, HOW MUCH IS HOUSE #5?
Agent: “Far, far, FAAAAAAAR too much! Are you interested?”

>SIGN CONTACT FOR DREAM HOUSE #5
Agent: “Oh no, too late! Seller says they are already under contract!”

>SIGN ALL CONTRACTS
The agent coughs uncomfortably.
Agent: “Actually it seems that all houses we’ve been watching already had offers before they hit my MLS. We can put in a backup offer on this house here, House #7, if you’d like?”

>MAKE BACKUP OFFER ON HOUSE #7
As your pen touches paper the ground shutters beneath your feet and a thunderous roar echoes around you. A sour orange glow bursts up from beneath the Dream House as demonic spirits lurch up from a hidden graveyard and, clutching and wailing, crush the dwelling down into their hellish lair under the soil.

>AGENT, WHAT NOW?
Your agent shrugs.
Agent: “Maybe knock ten grand off?”
(Your bitterness increases by 20 points. Your bitterness has reached max level!)

Once Upon A Time On Vacation

London Bridge may be falling down, but they're ripping the old Oakland Bridge apart the hard way.

London Bridge may be falling down, but they’re ripping the old Oakland Bridge apart the hard way.

In a Driveway
You are standing in your driveway. There is a minivan full of luggage here.

>STATUS
Today is February 27th. You are stressed out. Your mother-in-law is corralling the boisterous, screaming children. You have also not posted a blog for seven days and kind of suck for that.

>WRITE BLOG
What would you like to use to write your blog?

>USE CELL PHONE
As your phone lights up, your spouse emerges from the house and announces that you are ready to leave on vacation.

>WRITE BLOG
No time, you need to drive!

>DRIVE
You fire up the van and head off from home to enjoy a stimulating drive up from San Diego through Los Angeles.

>DRIVE NORTH
You deftly drive through the traffic. Yup, it’s stimulating.

>WRITE BLOG
You can’t do that while driving.

>DRIVE NORTH

North of Los Angeles
You are now north of Los Angeles, near Magic Mountain theme park.

>RIDE ROLLER COASTERS
No time to get vertigo today.

>DRIVE NORTH

Kettleman City
You are in Kettleman City. There is a gigantic fake western town under construction here and an In-and-Out Burger.

>EAT IN-AND-OUT
Your stomach thanks you as you briefly mourn for those souls who don’t know the glory of an In-and-Out Burger.

>LOOK AT WESTERN TOWN
You are giddy with the nerdy anticipation of a western author.
westtown

>PLAY IN WESTERN TOWN
After a quick jaunt through the construction site, your spouse reminds you of the time.

>DRIVE NORTH
It is not your turn to drive.

>ENTER VAN
Done. Your spouse fires up the van and heads north into the hilly nowhere.

Middle of Nowhere
You are in the middle of nowhere. You still owe the universe a blog post.

>WRITE BLOG
Your spouse reminds you that it is bad form to tell the universe (and the vicious thieves that live there) when you’re not at home.

>WRITE BLOG
You boldly fire up your software and scowl as the Internet ceases to exist. You may as well relax.

>WAIT
Your spouse finishes the drive to San Francisco.

San Francisco – Parking Garage
You are in San Francisco parking garage. There is a ramp heading down to 8th Street and a hotel here.

>GO DOWN RAMP
You cannot do that. There is urine and other icky stuff down there.

>ENTER HOTEL

HOTEL ROOM
You are in a hotel room. There is a King sized bed here, devoid of screaming children (a scenario wholly unfamilar to you).
There is a bottle of wine on the bar counter.

>SAVE GAME
Game saved.

>WRITE BLOG
You head for your laptop and promptly acquire the crappy spouse of the year award.
(You have lost 200 points)

>RESTORE
Game restored.

>ENJOY VACATION
Done. 2 awesome days pass.
(You have earned 200 points)

HOTEL ROOM
You are in a hotel room. There is a King sized bed here, devoid of screaming children (a scenario wholly unfamilar to you).
There is an empty bottle of wine on the bar counter.
There is a flyer on the bar counter.

>LOOK AT FLYER
There is going to be a history event at the Old San Francisco Mint today.

>GO TO MINT
You attempt to reach the Old Mint but relent to the urgent pull of hunger.

>FIND FOOD
You discover a restaurant at Sixth and Market called Showdogs.

>BUY FOOD
You are glad you did. An all-beef sausage, fries and a Lagunitas Sucks later, you are ready to commit to history.
sausage

>GO TO MINT

Outside – The Old Mint
You are outside the Old San Francisco Mint. Golden shutters cover the windows around the lower floor and you can’t help but wonder which one your Western Novel hero character would break into.
A steep staircase cut through solid gray granite leads to a historical shindig.

>ENTER OLD MINT

Inside – The Old Mint
You are standing inside of the Old San Francisco Mint. Costumed characters mill about, bringing specific color to the historical displays that fill the rooms.
To the east and west are historical displays. Stairs wind downward into darkness where the vaults await. A bright passage to the north leads to a
courtyard.

>STUDY OLD MINT
sfsteel

You head room to room and downstairs and upstairs, drawing sketches and marking doorways for later use in fictional accounts. You finish hours later, standing in a central vestibule.

In a Vestibule
You are in a central passageway in the Old Mint. A long table filled with cupcakes and tasty desserts flanks the south wall.
The swollen head of Joaquin Murrieta floats in a nearby jar.
A costumed Leland Stanford is sitting here, guarding the cupcakes.

>LOOK AT HEAD
You are almost mostly positive that it’s not a real head. But, wow.

>GET CUPCAKE
Leland Stanford waves his arms, blocking your move.

>LELAND, GO BEARS
Leland Stanford is amazingly not impressed. He sulks away to seek assistance, leaving the cupcakes unguarded.
(As the spouse of a Cal grad you have gained 150 points)

>EAT CUPCAKE AND LEAVE TIP
You devour a tasty pastry and leave a donation on the table.

>WRITE BLOG
As you tap the pseudo-keys on your Iphone, a costumed historian attempts to shanghai you onto a boat to, well, Shanghai.

>EXIT MINT
You wisely head back outside.

Outside – The Old Mint
You are outside the Old San Francisco Mint. Golden shutters cover the windows around the lower floor and you now know your Western Novel hero character will be breaking into the window at the southwest corner of vault room V5.
A steep staircase cut through solid gray granite leads to a historical shindig.

>WRITE BLOG
A homeless fellow edges close, eyeing your cell phone. You sense the need to go enjoy more vacation.

>CONTINUE VACATION
Another 24 hours vaporizes before your eyes…

>WRITE BLOG
There is no time, you have to go home now.

>DRIVE HOME
Done.

Home
You are sitting at your kitchen counter, exhausted but with post vacation satisfaction.
There is a laptop here.

>STATUS
You are back home, grandparents relieved, children sleeping soundly, spouse relaxing on the couch.

>WRITE BLOG
Done.

The Birthday Game

The Iphone hidden under your pillow buzzes softly, rousing you from sleep. It is 11:30pm – just 30 minutes until your wife’s birthday. She is lying asleep next to you, sleeping soundly and oblivious to the celebratory machinations at work in your mind. You’d best get cracking if you’re going to get things ready. However… sleep does sound awesome….

In a Bed
You are lying in bed, just barely awake. Your wife is sleeping nearby.
An Iphone alarm is vibrating under your pillow, keeping you awake.

>GET PHONE AND HIT SNOOZE
You grab the phone and instead lurch out of bed.

>GO BACK TO BED
You silence the alarm and instead shuffle out into the living room.

>GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM
You stay put and instead remember that you have prep work to do for your wife’s birthday before she wakes up.

>THANK YOU
You’re welcome.

>LOOK

Front Room
You are in a front room and really not awake. You know there is a Kitchen nearby. There is a closet on one wall and a large desk opposite the television area.

>FIND PRESENTS
I don’t see any presents here.

>FIND THE HIDDEN PRESENTS
Oh, those! You dig through the (hiding place redacted) and retrieve the hidden presents from the children.
It is now 25 minutes until your wife’s birthday.

>WRAP PRESENTS
You are too incoherent to attempt that.

>ENTER KITCHEN

Kitchen
You are in a kitchen and really not awake. There are cabinets and stuff. Moonlight gleams off a coffee maker. The Living Room is to the south.

>MAKE A CUP OF COFFEE
Your wife does not drink coffee. Good Lord, do you know this person at all!?! Focus!

>MAKE ***ME*** A CUP OF COFFEE
Ah, sorry mate. Hot coffee bubbles its way down into the pot.

>GET COFFEE
You burn yourself and are now a bit awake.
You are now carrying a coffee stain.

>INV
You are carrying:
a coffee stain
presents

>OPEN CABINET
You reveal a line of mismatched coffee mugs.

>GET COFFEE IN MUG AND DRINK IT.
Done and done.
You are now awake.
It is now 20 minutes until your wife’s birthday.

>SOUTH

Living Room

>WRAP PRESENTS
You lack paper.

>OPEN CLOSET
400 rolls of lovely wrapping paper fall out onto the floor.

>GET PAPER
You select a suitable roll that is almost out. Hopefully Costco has another

50 pack on sale soon…
It is now 15 minutes until your wife’s birthday.

>WRAP PRESENTS
You lack tape.

>LOOK AT DESK
There is an old PC, assorted books, and a supply drawer.

>OPEN SUPPLY DRAWER
You see every office product imaginable inside.

>GET TAPE
Which roll of tape would you like, the green label roll or the purple label roll?

>I DON’T CARE
Wrong answer.

>GREEN
Wrong choice. This isn’t her first birthday, is it?

>GET PURPLE LABEL ROLL OF TAPE
Satin finish gift wrap tape taken.

>WRAP PRESENTS
You wrap up the presents to the best of your ability. The word ‘passable’ comes to mind.
It is now 10 minutes until your wife’s birthday.

>GET CARDS FROM THE KIDS
You don’t see any cards from the kids.

>GET THE HIDDEN CARDS FROM THE KIDS
Oh, those! You dig through the (hiding place redacted) and retrieve the handmade cards from the children.

>LOOK AT DAUGHTER’S CARD

"You are my princess AND my hero!"

“You are my princess AND my hero!”

>PUT A CARD AND GIFT IN DAUGHTER’S ROOM.
You arrange the gifts on her desk.

>LOOK AT SON’S CARD

2-18-14 logcard1 2-18-14 logcard2

>PUT A CARD AND GIFT IN SON’S ROOM.
You arrange the gifts on his dresser.
It is now 5 minutes until your wife’s birthday.

>QUIETLY PUT AWAY PAPER AND TAPE.
Quietly done.
It is now 1 minute until your wife’s birthday.

>GO BACK TO BED
You silently return to bed. The motion causes your wife to stir. She rolls over with a little smile and you place a single kiss on her forehead. “Happy Birthday,” you whisper.

*** you’ve won!!! ***

You scored 100 points out of a possible 100.
Would you like to continue the free form game?

>YES
As you wish.
Ten minutes pass and then a brutal scream tears through the monitor that is sitting on the bathroom counter. It is your son’s voice, crying with the familiar and hated sounds of growing pains.
(You have lost 10 points).

>GET OUT OF BED
You leap out of bed, waking up your wife.
(You have lost 5 points)

>RUN TO SON’S ROOM
You trip over a box of leftover girl scout cookies and wrench your ankle.
(You have lost 15 points)

Son’s Bedroom
You are in a bedroom that is decorated with road signs and car stuff.
Your son is in bed, screaming in pain.
It is very dark in here.
Your wife has now not enjoyed 10 minutes of her birthday.

>TURN ON LIGHT
Your son wails and chokes in response and you turn the lights back down.
(You have lost 10 points)

>SON, WHAT HURTS?
Your son points to his knees and gags while sobbing.

>COMFORT CHILD
You attempt to massage and sooth your child. It doesn’t work.
(You have lost 20 points)
Your wife has now not enjoyed 15 minutes of her birthday.
Your son gags again and screams, “BATHROOM!”

>CARRY CHILD TO BATHROOM
Your wife enters the doorway as you come rushing out. She staggers back from the collision.
(You have lost 35 points.)

>COMFORT CHILD
Son: “I WANT MOMMY!”
Your wife takes the child and heads for a rocking chair.
Your wife has now not enjoyed 30 minutes of her birthday.
(You have lost 5 points, leaving you with zero.)

*** you have lost! ***

PLAY AGAIN? (Y or N) >Y
Excellent! We’ll see you again in 2015!

(P.S. After 7am she had a great day.) 🙂

I love it… Kill it!

...and if it doesn't come back, it probably sucked in the first place.

…and if it doesn’t come back, it probably sucked in the first place.

photo credit: admitchell08 via photopin cc

Writing, like any art, is a time consuming labor of love. When wrapped up in such a massive personal investment, it is easy to forget that the entire act of creation is optional; that sometimes the best way to FINISH the project is to simply stop creating…

>START GAME

Garage
You are in a garage that has been converted to a recreational room. Arcade machines and scrapbooking items line the north and south walls. Outdoor carpeting on the floor and a stash of booze in the corner display case will keep you from freezing. A table in the middle of the room is set up with all the implements of an aspiring author. In the corner of the room there is a door to the outside world and another that leads back inside the house.
There is a laptop here.

>SCREAM
You emit a hearty battle cry to the Gods of creativity.

>TURN ON LAPTOP
The system clicks and blinks to life.
Laptop: “Good day, writer! Are you ready to craft glorious fiction!?”

>NO, NOT REALLY
Laptop: “Sorry to hear! You’re so close to being done!”

>FINISH WIP
You’ll have to write something new. Your WIP deadline has passed.

>INV
You are carrying:
a wallet
a deadline
a table of contents

>LOOK AT DEADLINE
Accordingly to this 4th deadline, your beta readers expected your novel draft last week.

>ENTER DOOR
(which door, the door to the house or the door leading outside?)

>OUTSIDE

Outside the House
You are just outside the garage side entrance door. It is pitch black out here in the moonless night. You are likely to be abducted by aliens.
There is a trash can here
There is a recycling bin here

>RECYCLE DEADLINE
Like a used water bottle, the deadline comes back in a new form and with an improved ‘use by’ date.

>ENTER HOUSE

Garage
There is a laptop here

>WRITE
How much would you like to write?

>ALL OF THE REST
Don’t be ridiculous. That’s too much at once.

>WRITE SOME FICTION
You’ll have to be more specific. Better check the log.

>READ TABLE OF CONTENTS
It is a listing of chapters for your WIP that reads 1 through 38. Chapters 9, 28, and 37 are highlighted in red.

>WHAT IS CHAPTER 9?
Chapter 9 of your WIP is an engaging display of fancy description and brilliant yet directionless dialogue as you currently fail to enamor your reader to your new characters.

>FIX CHAPTER 9
Your heroine and bit characters glare at you in confused response.

>ADD A PERSONAL TRAGEDY TO CHAPTER 9
Done.
(+13 to backstory)

>ADD A DIARY TO CHAPTER 9
Done. A sense of balance and peace settles over the characters inside this chapter.
(+9 to structure. Your novel is now passable.)

>WHAT IS CHAPTER 37?
Chapter 37 is a gripping episode in which action overshadows form and unanswered questions are left brutally unanswered.

>FIX CHAPTER 37
Your hero and antagonist look up mid-grapple and await clearer instruction.

>ADD FIRM ANSWERS TO CHAPTER 37
Done. The opposing parties finish their brawl and sigh with satisfied relief.
(+23 to closure. Your novel is looking quite good.)

>READ TABLE OF CONTENTS
It is a listing of chapters for your WIP that reads 1 through 38. Chapter 28 is highlighted in red.

>WHAT IS CHAPTER 28?
Chapter 28 of your WIP is a fine example of classic American fiction in which characters are stuck in a romantic tangle with muted fire and nary a resolution in sight.

>ADD ROMANCE TO CHAPTER 28
You sprinkle in cupids and hearts to little effect.
(+1 to romance. -5 to clarity.)

>ADD PASSIONATE KISSING TO CHAPTER 28
Your characters fall into a rousing embrace. Events in Chapters 18 and 33 no longer make any sense.
(+53 to reader confusion. Your novel has issues once again.)

>REMOVE KISSING
Done. All kissing has been swept from the book.
(-123 to gender sensitivity)

>UNDO
All kissing restored.
(+123 to gender sensitivity)

>REMOVE KISSING FROM CHAPTER 28 AND HELP?
Done. Perhaps you can try a more subtle, background approach.

>ADD BONDAGE SWING TO CHAPTER 28
That didn’t qualify as subtle.
(+32 to kinkiness. -60 to continuity. -20 to tone.)
Your noble hero character looks nervous.
Due to poor structure, a flock of rogue chickens has entered the room.

>ADD WHISPERED SECRETS TO CHAPTER 28
Your hero mouths dark truths to the pecking chickens. Your heroine is in the corner, tentatively spinning the bondage swing with one curious finger.
(-90 to continuity. -130 to tone.)
Your main antagonist has entered the room. A braying donkey has entered the room.

>REMOVE ANTAGONIST
The braying donkey is too distracting to the text for you to make that update. The antagonist saunters into the corner to inspect the bondage swing along with a now quite interested young heroine. You appear to be losing control of the novel.
(-100 to everything. Your novel is now bad literary comedy.)

>REMOVE DONKEY
The donkey resists your efforts with a flurry of kicks. Your hero is struck in the gonads and falls to the ground, mortally wounded. The antagonist sweeps the heroine off her feet and leaps onto the donkey to make his getaway.
(-100 to everything. Your novel is now a fictional cesspool.)

>KILL CHAPTER 28
Your characters, human and animal alike, freeze in mid-step and pivot their fearful stares in your direction.
(What do you want to kill chapter 28 with?)

>WITH LAPTOP
Laptop: “Oh sure, make ME the bad guy.”
With a series of torturous clicks, the deceased hero, the sordid heroine, the suave antagonist, the pile of animals, and all the miserable rest of chapter 28 cease to exist.
(+675 to structure, +102 to tension, +50 to tone.)

*** Winner! You have finished your first draft! ***

Of course that’s all much easier said than done… I’ve been stuck on the same nasty ol’ chapters for a few months now. How long does everyone else give a troublesome section before it’s off to the circular file?

(Re)Pressing Matters

"...now we see the violence inherent in the system!"

“…now we see the violence inherent in the system!”

You’d like to write. No, you’d LOVE to write. So, by God… that will be your mission for the day.

At the Kitchen Table
You are at a table. Dirty dishes cover the far side of the circular surface, while the near side is buried beneath wrinkled sheets of plot outlines and character sketches. Your laptop hums among the latter pile.
There is a laptop open here.

>WRITE NOVEL
You’d love to, you really would, but something stops you.

>WRITE DIALOGUE
Try as you might, you can’t do that.

>KILL WRITERS BLOCK
The writer’s block is not the problem.
A pressing matter enters the room and perches itself on your laptop, obscuring your field of vision.

>STAND UP
Done.
The pressing matter follows close behind.

In the Kitchen
You are in a kitchen that has seen recent catastrophe in the form of burned eggs. Scorched pans sit on the stove and a dank, heavy smell permeates every corner. It does not, however, smell like napalm, thus it does not smell like victory.
Your spouse is standing nearby.
A pressing matter is here.

>SPOUSE, STATUS
Your spouse is healthy and happy. There is a good chance of ‘adult time’ in your future.

>SPOUSE, SCRUB BURNED PANS
Your spouse gives you a glare that seems to say “Excuse me?!”
Your spouse is now noticably nonplussed. There is a small chance of ‘adult time’ later in the week.

>LOOK AT PRESSING MATTER
It’s your standard, everyday pressing matter. There is a giant dollar sign on the front of it.

>SHOW PRESSING MATTER TO SPOUSE
Trust me, your spouse knows all about the pressing matter.

>KILL PRESSING MATTER
You’ll have to be more specific.

>INV
You are carrying:
a dollar
a shirt(on your back)

>GIVE DOLLAR TO PRESSING MATTER
The pressing matter consumes the dollar with sadistic glee. It appears to not be fazed.

>GIVE SHIRT OFF MY BACK TO PRESSING MATTER
You can’t go to work naked, so that won’t help things.

>GIVE PRESSING MATTER TO SPOUSE
Spouse: “I can’t possibly resolve that alone.”

>WAIT
The pressing matter bumps into the counter, knocking a box onto the floor.

>OPEN BOX
Inside the box is a menial day job next to a burdensome day job.

>GIVE BOTH JOBS TO SPOUSE
Spouse: “No.”
Your spouse is now noticeably displeased. There might possibly be a remote chance of ‘adult time’ next Tuesday, about 11.

>GIVE BURDENSOME DAY JOB TO SPOUSE
Done.
Your spouse has generated income. Your spouse is now exhausted.
The pressing matter appears to have weakened slightly.

>GET MENIAL DAY JOB
Taken.
You have generated income. It is now nighttime. Your brain is now Swiss cheese.
The pressing matter quietly fades from view.

>SIT DOWN
(at the table)
Done.

At the Kitchen Table
There is a laptop open here.

>WRITE NOVEL
You can’t do that. The plot has fallen out of your head.

>STAND UP
Done.

In the Kitchen
Your exhausted spouse is slouching nearby.

>SPOUSE, FOLLOW ME TO BEDROOM
Your spouse tags along close behind; they enter the bedroom and crawl immediately between the sheets. You get only a single wink goodnight before your spouse passes out to dreamland.

>SLEEP
I guess there is always tomorrow. Sweet dreams!

*** You have lost! ***

(Play again?) >DIE
I’ll take that as a no.

C:\WRITING\YAC\2-10-14\_