Of Writes and Wrongs

yac 1-16-14 glasses book

A Sidewalk Cafe
You are in a sea of wicker tables, most of which are filled with hipsters and stay at home parents. A caboose converted to a freestanding coffee bar serves the uncaffinated masses. The aroma of freshly ground coffee and sugary additives envelopes the scene in a comfortable home style haze. There are shops to the west.
(You are currently seated at a round wicker table.)
There is a laptop here on the table.

>LOOK AT HIPSTERS
The tablet wielding hipsters mingle and frolic in their impeccably mish-mashed clothing.
(Somehow you never managed to be this cool.)

>LOOK AT PARENTS
The stay at home parents laugh gaily and sip drinks in a well-rehearsed, relaxed fashion.
(Somehow you never managed to be this cool.)

>LOOK AT LAPTOP
Your laptop is on. Chapter 13 is on the screen, awaiting completion.

>WRITE NOVEL
(on the laptop)
A barista enters the area and stands at your table.
barista: “Sorry. You have no coffee. You can’t work here.”

>BUY COFFEE
barista: “You don’t seem to have enough money.”

>INV
You are carrying:
an arm
a leg
a list
laptop
money ($3.00)

>LOOK AT ARM AND LEG
arm: it is an average arm.
leg: it is an average leg.

>GIVE ARM TO BARISTA
barista: “What kind of place do you think this is?!”

>READ LIST
1 – buy lots of milk, cheese, yogurt.
2 – buy veggies
3 – write

>GET LAPTOP AND STAND UP
Taken.
You rise from the table. The hipsters snicker at your jeans and Atari T-shirt.

>WEST

Organic Matter Dairy
You are standing in front of a store called Organic Matter Dairy. Cheeses, yogurts, and milks of all variety assault your visual and olfactory senses. There is a coffee stand to the east and farm stand to the west.
A cashier is standing in front of the store with a knowing smile.

>ASK CASHIER ABOUT DAIRY
cashier: “Just name it and I’ll run inside and gather it for you!”

>GIVE LIST TO CASHIER
The cashier reads the list with a nod.
The cashier disappears into the store and returns with two nylon bags heavily loaded with dairy. You take the bags and sling them over your shoulder.

>PAY CASHIER
cashier: “$3.00 is not enough, sir. That’ll be an arm or a leg, please.”

>GIVE LEG TO CASHIER
That would make your remaining shopping rather difficult.

>GIVE ARM TO CASHIER.
cashier: “Thank you, come again!’
Your bags of organic dairy slip from your shoulder and clatter on the ground.
A pair of hipsters strolls past and chuckles at your domestic futility.

>GET BAGS
You wisely put the bags of organic dairy on your remaining good side.

>WEST

Farm Stand
At the west end of the strip mall area is a huge pop-up canopy festooned with cardboard replicas of roots and tubers. There are pre-packaged sacks of vegetables piled up in two mountains. An eager looking farmer stands between the piles.

>LOOK AT PILES
One pile of sacks is labeled ‘ORGANIC VEGGIES’. One pile of sacks is a labeled ‘CHEAPER CONVENTIONAL VEGGIES WITH ADDED PESTICIDES AND CHLORPROPHAM’

>GET VEGGIES
(which ones, the organic veggies, or the cheaper conventional veggies with added pesticides and chlorpropham?)

>GET CHEAPER CONVENTIONAL VEGGIES WITH ADDED PESTICIDES AND CHLORPR
I don’t know what you mean.

>ASK FARMER ABOUT VEGGIES
Farmer: “Got two types, kiddo. Your choice.”

>ASK FARMER ABOUT CHEAPER CONVENTIONAL VEGGIES WITH ADDED PESTICID
Farmer: “Didn’t quite get that kiddo, you ran out of space.”

>ASK ABOUT VEGGIES
Farmer: “If it doesn’t fit in the parser limit, you probably shouldn’t put it in your mouth.”

>GET ORGANIC VEGGIES
Done.

>PAY CASHIER
farmer: “$3.00 is not enough, sir. That’ll be just under an arm or a leg, please.”

>GIVE LEG TO FARMER
Farmer: “Thanks much, come again!”
The farmer hands you back some change.

>INV
You are carrying:
a list
laptop
bags of organic dairy
a sack of organic veggies
money ($8.00)

>EAST
You wobble/hop east, using the weight of your bags for balance.

Organic Matter Dairy
A cashier is standing in front of the store with a knowing smile.

>EAST
You shuffle/scoot east as best you can.

A Sidewalk Cafe
The hipsters titter and gawk at your awkward entrance on the scene.

>SIT AND OPEN LAPTOP
You seat yourself at a round, wicker table.
You open your laptop. You novel is back up on the screen.

>WRITE NOVEL
(on the laptop)
A barista enters the area and stands at your table.
barista: “You again. Can I help you sir?”

>BUY COFFEE
barista: “Oh, I’m sorry. The hipsters and stay at home parents have drank it all.”

>KILL BARISTA
barista: (laughing) “Oh, you’d have to take a number for that. You are welcome to stay while you wait!”

>WRITE NOVEL
(on the laptop)
You are too frustrated to write Chapter 13 right now.

>WRITE BLOG
(on the laptop)
Done.
One of the hipsters places a card on your table.

>READ CARD
“Next time, keep your limbs intact. Check out a site like LocalHarvest.org. Stay healthy, stay in one piece. Oh, and nice shirt.”

photo credit: Camera Eye Photography via photopin cc

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