The Parenting Game

medium_4684467836
photo credit: peasap via photopin cc

Today finds you, a harried and hopeful author, on babysitting duty at your sister’s cozy house. A 15 month old toddler could be a handful for some, but you have nothing to worry about. After all, you are a master of creative dilemmas and hectic deadlines.

Cozy Living Room
The smallish living room contains a fuzzy rug, a set of couches and a bookshelf filled with colorful, rhyming books. There is a hallway to the east and a kitchen to the south.
There is a diapered toddler here.
A dog is here, circling your legs expectantly.

>INV
You are carrying:
a proof copy

>LOOK AT PROOF COPY
Your only copy awaits nap time for final editing.

>LOOK AT TODDLER
Sweet. Innocent. He coos at your attention.

>SOUTH
The dog tags along behind you as you depart.

Kitchen
You are nearly blinded upon entering the room. The all white floor, walls, counters, and appliances are awash in glorious daylight from large windows over the sink.
There is a note on the counter.
A towel is draped over the oven handle.
A dog is here, circling your legs expectantly.

>READ NOTE
(Taken)
“If you fail to find the coming events humorous, Joelle Wisler offers a brief child rearing tutorial: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR KIDS SO THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE WITH THEM
You don’t have your smartphone, so you discard the note.
The dog voraciously eats the note and lies down, satiated.

>GET TOWEL
Taken.
You hear crying from the living room.

>NORTH
Cozy Living Room
There is a diapered toddler here, crying.

>GET TODDLER
You trip on a lump in the rug and crash headlong into the corner of the bookcase, knocking yourself unconscious.
*** You have lost ***

(Quit, Restore, Go Back?) >GO BACK
Done.

Cozy Living Room
There is a diapered toddler here, crying.

>EXAMINE RUG
You spot an unusual lump beneath the rug. You lift the edge and retrieve a rubber tow truck. The dog enters the room and consumes the tow truck as if starving.

>GET TODDLER
No, he might wrinkle your proof copy.

>PUT PROOF COPY IN BOOKSHELF
Done.

>GET TODDLER
Taken. He winces at ceiling lights and screams wildly. The dog rushes into the room, all barking and slobber, and smashes through the front door, never to return. You don’t know how you’ll explain this one to your sister.
*** You have lost ***

(Quit, Restore, Go Back?) >GO BACK
Done.

>TURN OFF LIGHTS
The toddler falls silent. There is an awful sound and an unpleasant smell.

>TURN ON LIGHTS
Cozy Living Room
An undiapered toddler is here, giggling.
There is a small poopy here on the rug.

>GET POOPY
You are interrupted by an awful sound and an unpleasant smell.
(Which poopy, the small one or the orange one?)

>LOOK
Cozy Living Room
The smallish living room contains a fuzzy rug, a set of couches and a bookshelf filled with colorful, rhyming books. There is a hallway to the east and a kitchen to the south.
An undiapered toddler is here, giggling.
There is a small poopy here on the rug.
An orange poopy lies nearby.

>GET SMALL POOPY
You are interrupted by an awful sound and an unpleasant smell.
Your path is blocked by a wide, runny poopy.
The toddler wobbles out of the room and to the south.

>LOOK AT ALL POOPIES.
small poopy: You see nothing special.
orange poopy: You detect carrots.
wide, runny poopy: Something is not right here.

>PUT TOWEL ON RUNNY POOPY.
You are no longer cornered by the wide, runny poopy.

>SOUTH
Kitchen
An icky trail on the floor heads north back to the living room.
An undiapered toddler is here, giggling.

>GET TODDLER
You yank the child into the air, holding him at arms length. Best head for the bathroom.

>NORTH
You slip on the icky trail and hear a sharp *SNAP!* as the tendons in your ankle cease to agree with each other. You drop the toddler protectively onto your chest as you fall. Your shirt is likely ruined.

>CRAWL NORTH
Cozy Living Room
An undiapered toddler is here.
There is a small poopy here on the rug.
An orange poopy lies nearby.
A soiled towel is covering a wide, runny poopy.
A dog is here, growling at the bookcase.
The dog is carrying:
an unused diaper (attached)

>GET PROOF COPY FROM BOOKCASE
You protectively reach for your precious novel and the priceless edits within. You accidentally knock the diaper loose from the dog, further angering it. The dog tugs the proof copy from your grip and consumes it with gusto. The child claps and squeals with joy as you hear the sounds of a car returning home out in front of the house.
*** You survived! ***

You conclude your babysitting experience disappointed, frustrated, and severely injured. You also left the house in 235% worse shape than you found it. This gives you a score of 52 and a rank of ROOKIE PARENT (8 months exp.)

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AGAIN?

>HELL NO

Thanks for playing! Comments left below from similarly experienced parents and/or authors may appear in future installments.

Advertisements

Comments? Commands?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s